Back and forth.

I got back from VA around 8:00 last night in the middle of a magnificent display of lightning, which would have been more magnificent had I not been at 36,000 feet in a large, metal object.

I'm enjoying my time with Annika immensely. She knows I need to go back to VA again next week and for the next few weeks and doesn't seem quite so upset, which I'm very relieved about. Really, the guilt is something awful.

I'm still working my short-term project and hoping against hope for something more long term to work out. It's difficult to accept that some things really aren't in my control, but I have to.

I just heard Eurythmics on the radio this week, which inspired me to listen to them again, and to go out and buy some Annie Lennox. Though I was a big Eurythmics fan years ago, I had never really liked the song "Sweet Dreams," but I've grown to like it more and more over time. There's something to be said for its simplicity, and it seemed to resonate with me this week.

Wednesday.

It's Wednesday night. I think I'm going to make it until the end of the week.

The project I'm working on is short term, and I fear it will only go through mid-July at the latest. I'm seriously worried. And angry. And tired. I don't want to start again job-wise at 39 in Wichita. I should start practicing, "Would you like fries with that?"

How'd that sound?

Oooops.

I forgot my medication at home. Let's hope I can make it until Friday.

Travel.

Last time I traveled, it was during a miserable, cold December. It's not exactly warm right now, but it's not freezing, either. The grey skies seem to suit my current mood. I was dreading the trip--Annika has suddenly taken to telling me that she doesn't want me to go away. I feel really guilty.

At least my trip yesterday wasn't too bad. I saw the most beautiful full moon from the plane and I wondered if anyone could be appreciating it as much as I was at that moment.

I'm in Virginia. I am reminded of the kindness and gentility that was so familiar during my college years. I appreciate the friendliness of the convenience store employees and patrons who make absolutely certain I know which way to go to find my hotel. I have a giggle at seeing no fewer than three men in the airport in madras plaid golf shorts.

I'm working hard this week and I have little time to think about anything beyond those details, but somehow it makes me feel a little less overwhelmed to remember my drive to the hotel--Peter Frampton's "Baby I Love Your Way" on the radio and the full moon lighting the road.

Down boy.

After a day of driving Annika around and having her insist on playing the Kidz Bop cd she got in her Happy Meal the other night, Karen O and the gang are just what I needed to feel better. Total, total hotness. Who needs a bassist when you have guitarist Nick Zinner?

So Sad About Us.

Jekyll and Hyde.

So, tonight, instead of being frustrated at not having a Mom's Night Out, I set my mind to enjoy my night with Annika. And I did. She was overtired from today's pre-school Olympics, so much so that I didn't hear any coherent reports about the events and where she placed in the competition, but was informed proudly that she ate all of the picnic lunch I'd packed for her, including the mandarin oranges. And did she mention the MANDARIN ORANGES? Because she ate the mandarin oranges. It was a wonder she made it through dinner and bath time and story time without completely falling apart. She's now been fast asleep for about an hour, and I'm enjoying the solitude of Mom's Night In.

Amazingly, after all the gnashing of teeth and trauma over having taken away Kids' Night Out, Annika reverted immediately to her typically sweet-natured ways this week, making me wonder if it could possibly be the same child who only days before had transformed so abruptly from Dr. Jekyll to Miss Hyde.

And speaking of Hyde, I'm a little disappointed Annika won't be headed to Hyde Elementary in the Fall. It's one of the best elementary schools in the city, if not the best, and I'd hoped the magnet school lottery would be kind to us. Still, our neighborhood school is just fine, and I know Annika will be really excited to head over there for Kindergarten. I know I'm fixating on Annika's growing up, but it's absolutely amazing to me that she's going to big kid school soon. Um...not that I'll miss writing checks to her pre-school. I won't. Still, pondering Elementary school seems like something I shouldn't need to be concerned about just yet. I'm resolving to avoid those thoughts for the rest of the evening.